The Perfect Sentence?

Using the rules laid down in this series of rhyming couplets about the Internet, the Internet’s perfect sentence would be, “FIRST! You fail at bacon forever, douchebag. *GONE*” Not all of the rules are incorporated, but at the same time, not a word is wasted. Observe:

FIRST! – It is always necessary to be first.

You – One must know where the insult is being directed

Fail – The crux of the matter, without which the entire statement (other than “FIRST!” which is a fine interjection on its own) would be pointless.

At – This would seem to be unfortunately necessary, but it does add some nice, sharp sounds to the statement.

Bacon – Everything is better with bacon, and failing at bacon is a great shame.

Forever – More there for the sake of cadence than anything else.

Douchebag – Proves that you’re edgy, which is important when you’re being as witty as this statement will make you, and it proves that you know something about the female anatomy without actually doing so.

*GONE* Shows that you don’t have time to explain to this douchebag why he fails at bacon forever, plus the asterisks and all-capsitude of the word suggest that it was follow by either a sharp 180 and door slam, or that you were using ninja smoke bombs, both of which add to your coolness and mystique.

Truly, not a word wasted.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: