Archive for July, 2008

Random thought

Posted in Uncategorized on July 27, 2008 by zordran

Isn’t it funny how salamanders have changed over the years? One day you’re a little slimy and the next you’re some kind of anthropomorphic burning snake. As far as I can tell, this is almost purely a Dungeons and Dragons/high fantasy idea. Hercules didn’t fight one of these things, nor did Thor, nor Indra, nor, um, Coyote? The idea actually comes from European folklore, wherein salamanders were thought to be fireproof.

To be fair, salamanders did have an alarming tendency to jump out of lit fires. Whereas any other critter napping in your firewood would maybe squeal a little before dying, a salamander’s wet, amphibian skin gave it the second or two to wake up and jump out when it got too hot, and to somebody without thorough indoctrination in a categorical science, why the heck shouldn’t some animals be fireproof? I like this idea! No big, spiky, ugly, evil, mean, plotting noble salamanders (usually evil (any)) for me, just laid-back little multicolored dudes who could, I don’t know, run into burning buildings and assist firemen. Wouldn’t that be cool?

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Euuuugh

Posted in Uncategorized on July 27, 2008 by zordran

Last night on WoW, a fellow bought some enchants from me, which is not out of the ordinary, but a mistell on his part let me in on exactly how he was paying for them: naked pictures of girls he found on Google image search palmed off for 50g apiece under the assumption that they were pictures of “her.” Euuugh.

He then went on to tell me what a great practice this is, that he’d made 700 gold in the past two days, and , not feeling like wasting a good scolding on him, I replied, “I never need money. :)” And then he skeeved me out the rest of the way, asking that I be his “sugar priesty.” EUUUGH.

And then he had the gall to tell me that, “The world is fucked up, man.” Why is it that people who say that tend to be part of the problem?

Huh.

Posted in Uncategorized on July 27, 2008 by zordran

Read this. Okay, now read this. Conclusion? Kingdom of Loathing’s jargon is weirdly sexual if you’re looking for it.

Ratings

Posted in Uncategorized on July 25, 2008 by zordran

I’m on my third or fourth trip through the archives of The Book of Ratings, when suddenly I noticed something odd: there’s no tower ad anymore. This is the opposite of the usual occurrence for  website that hasn’t been updated in years. Compare it to Seanbaby.com, once the premier source of humor revolving around robots and vaginas, which stopped updating in 2002 (and has apparently started and stopped again while I wasn’t looking), and only a couple of months later was up to your eyeballs in porn ads of the quality and luridity that one associates with warez sites just to keep afloat what had become nothing more than a very loud and very eye-searing archive of Mega Man sprite hacks and affably chauvinistic Nintendo reviews. Maybe Mr. Lore just got sick of ads one day and took them down. Maybe he’s in better financial condition than he once was. Maybe Google abandoned him due to a series of unfortunate events involving “invalid clicks” like poor O.  Weird. Eerie. B

Allied Pride

Posted in Uncategorized on July 24, 2008 by zordran

The Alliance is like America: we’re awesome, we know it, we don’t need anybody telling us, and nobody can tell us different. Of course, what all of this non-talking means in the long run is that it’s not hard to forget just how awesome we really are, until something like this comes along and just warms the cockles. Sure, it’s old news for most WoW junkies at this point, but it’s still notable that that rogue just tanked for a Gruul 5-man.

And for those of you whom that sentence completely lost, allow me to add some meaning. This guy is like if the Incredible Hulk had a baby with a grizzly bear. Deathwing, the most abominably powerful creature in all of Azeroth, a dragon who might as well be a god, undying as the earth itself, came to Gruul’s world to escape the competition from the other four dragon demigods of Azeroth with a bunch of chickies and spawned a few hundred eggs, expecting no competition on this world completely devoid of draconic demigods, and Gruul just ignored him, not being much of a planner himself. Then the dragons grew up, and he got mad, so he started breaking their backs over his knee and impaling them on the mountains. (that’s my priestie. ^_^)

In mechanical terms, the fight is known as as “DPS race,” effectively, you have to do an utterly overwhelming amount of damage in a very short time, because Gruul will grow every thirty seconds, hitting harde3r every time, and after about 17 growths, the mightiest of tanks–people who have made careers of being struck repeatedly by fists the size of themselves–will crumple under a single blow. The damage per second of the group has to be 6666.7 for the whole raid, and that’s a somewhat heroic feat for 25 people (with two absorbing damage because that mofo can hit two guys at once and three guys healing damage because, as I just said, he hits hard). And this rogue managed effectively to break the fight, nearly turning it into a “tank-and-spank” by dodging so hard that even when Gruul had grown to the point where he was too big to fit in the cavern, he still couldn’t hit her, and she had the honor of being the one to find out that Gruul stops at 30 growths.

So I salute these four fair and stalwart warriors, crazy naked man, and dire laser turkey, for their efforts in proving Just How Much We Rule.

The Alliance: Actions, Not Words.

The Perfect Sentence?

Posted in Uncategorized on July 24, 2008 by zordran

Using the rules laid down in this series of rhyming couplets about the Internet, the Internet’s perfect sentence would be, “FIRST! You fail at bacon forever, douchebag. *GONE*” Not all of the rules are incorporated, but at the same time, not a word is wasted. Observe:

FIRST! – It is always necessary to be first.

You – One must know where the insult is being directed

Fail – The crux of the matter, without which the entire statement (other than “FIRST!” which is a fine interjection on its own) would be pointless.

At – This would seem to be unfortunately necessary, but it does add some nice, sharp sounds to the statement.

Bacon – Everything is better with bacon, and failing at bacon is a great shame.

Forever – More there for the sake of cadence than anything else.

Douchebag – Proves that you’re edgy, which is important when you’re being as witty as this statement will make you, and it proves that you know something about the female anatomy without actually doing so.

*GONE* Shows that you don’t have time to explain to this douchebag why he fails at bacon forever, plus the asterisks and all-capsitude of the word suggest that it was follow by either a sharp 180 and door slam, or that you were using ninja smoke bombs, both of which add to your coolness and mystique.

Truly, not a word wasted.

Really Bad Pun

Posted in Uncategorized on July 23, 2008 by zordran

Best not to dwell on it for too long.